


Je T'aime

by mlight93



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6822127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlight93/pseuds/mlight93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her whole body exhales with the sound of these words. She feels them in her bones, knows she feels the same by the beating of her heart, the drop in her gut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Je T'aime

**Author's Note:**

> Literally found this on my desktop while cleaning and organizing my things. Just my ramblings and thoughts all from Season 2. I don't know where I was going with this, but I must have had a lot of feelings and just needed to type them out. I haven’t touched this for the better part of a year (or is it more now?), and frankly I don't even remember writing this. But I don’t want it to just sit on my desktop, so I’m posting it here.

_Je t’aime._

Her whole body exhales with the sound of these words. She feels them in her bones, knows she feels the same by the beating of her heart, the drop in her gut. But she can’t accept them without knowing their sincerity. Without knowing what they really mean.

She pauses. Braces herself for the questions she has to ask. She can’t put herself first anymore. She has people that need her protection. She knows she’ll swoon at one look into those eyes, but forces herself to look anyways. Forces herself to observe, deduce, judge. A hard thing to do when her heart already knows the answer. Somehow the handhold grounds her. Gives her strength.

Saying it back is easy enough. She already knew it from the very beginning. Knew the only thing her heart has every wanted was this very moment with this very person above and under her.

She brings her hand up to brace Delphine’s cheek. She holds her firm and brings her down by her chin, seals her words with a kiss. She knows she’s a goner from this moment on. Before the words were spoken, there was still room to run. Now there is no escaping. Nothing can force her away from this person smiling down at her again.

\---

There’s an itch in the back of her throat.

 _Not now_ , she thinks. Not when she’s just meeting her maker. Not during one of the most important moments of her life.

She just manages to finish her sentence. Barely has enough time to turn around, before the itch is making its way out of her throat. Only it’s not the usual itch.

She sees the blood, but can’t quite place it. Can’t make the connection between the bright red splatters on the counter and the warm stickiness she feels in her mouth. She’s on the floor before she can register anything else.

Not even the distressed _'_ _Cosima!'_

\---

_God we’re so different, all of us._

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting.

\---

She thinks she’s dead. Or about to be. Her body feels cold, lethargic, heavy. She doesn’t have the strength to move her fingers. She doesn’t want to open her eyes. She is afraid of the darkness that might come. Of facing another day feeling tired and battered. But then a warmth courses through her. Reminds her of puppies and eskimo pies and golden hair. Her eyes flutter open.

_Don’t be afraid. I will never leave you._

Delphine. All light and warmth and life. She misses her. She needs her. She can’t leave without at least a proper goodbye. She still has to tell her how much she loves her.

The hand on her cheek is soft, familiar, home. It traces her cheekbone, jawline, moving away. She misses it immediately. She needs the contact, finds her fingers twitching to reach out. To grab on and never let go. The light is fading into another.

She can’t see her anymore, but she feels the same pattern being traced onto her skin. The ache in her heart overpowers the ache in her body, and she forces herself to open her eyes. To see Delphine again. Except she doesn’t.

For a second she’s lost. Heart longing, mind reeling from the moments passed. But then she places the fingers on her cheek with the little girl standing in front of her and she knows. She knows this is the reason for her to keep living. She has a purpose. She has to save this precious girl’s life, and she needs.

She needs to find her light.

\---

_Get out!_

It echoes in her mind. She reasons and rationalizes the need for these words that cut like nails and needles coming out of her mouth. That hurt more than the abated rise and fall of her lungs. But nothing stops the incessant beating in her skull.

_Don’t be afraid. I will never leave you._

It’s all she ever wanted to hear. She’s tired of running and pushing. Of screaming words she doesn’t mean. Of being afraid to want. Afraid her selfishness would cause more grief than good.

She doesn't want to be alone.

She just wants _Delphine._  


End file.
